Coming Full Circle with a Song

One of these days, maybe I'll quit blogging about the hospital and Jaycee being sick. But, not today... A few weeks ago, Jaycee was in a medically induced coma to recover from septic shock and acute respiratory distress syndrome. During this time, we played familiar things to comfort Jaycee. She still had her hearing but she was sedated and paralyzed by medicine. So, we played familiar television shows (Peppa Pig, The Wonder Pets, Barney) that she always enjoyed. I also downloaded 13 worship songs to give her an hour's worth of songs to listen to.

We listened to the songs over and over during those weeks in the hospital. Once we got home, I found it hard to listen to those songs. Maybe it sounds silly, but those songs would take me back to the hospital with the chaos and emotional roller coaster. They triggered things I didn't want to think about and remember. I knew it was something I had to get over, as some of these songs were songs I really loved. But, I didn't want to listen to them, think about Jaycee on a ventilator, and cry.

One of the songs was Nothing Holding Me Back by Bryan & Katie Torwalt. You can listen to the song here. A couple of weeks ago in church, the worship team sang this song. My first thought was, "Oh no...the hospital song!" I looked at Jaycee & she recognized it too! I wiped an occasional tear streaming down my face as I tried to sing the words chalked full of emotion for me. As I was singing the song, I was torn in this love/hate relationship with it. I loved the words and the melody but I hate that it had become associated with our time in ICU. Near the end of the song, the words "Jesus, you make all things new," hit me.

In the hospital, I sang and listened to this song and spoke that part in prayer and faith. Pleading with God to help bring life back to Jaycee's failing body.

But now, the words in that song are fulfilled. Jesus did make Jaycee new. She is living, walking, and breathing on her own. The song was a prayer in the hospital. But now, the song is a praise and a testimony.