The thought of a public outing can create all sorts of thoughts and feelings for moms of children with special needs. Even though it may be challenging, leaving the house is a necessity in life. Moms take their kids to the grocery store, doctor's appointments, playgrounds, and restaurants. These outings may take extra planning when your child has special needs.
I have parented a child with special and medical needs for 13 years. We have learned many lessons together in that time. I'm still learning on how to support my child in public outings even now.
Last week, I took my daughter, Jaycee, to a water park. She wanted to go there; it was her idea. A hot July day wasn't the best choice, but it was the only day my husband was off work. Before we left for the water park, I had a picture of how things would go. I didn't envision a perfect day, but I did expect to be there for 3 or 4 hours.
The first hour we were at the water park, things went well. We swam in the pool. The kids and I went down a water slide a couple of times. We floated around the lazy river. Jaycee splashed and laughed. My son, Elijah, was busy running from one area to another. Then, all of the fun suddenly stopped.
Jaycee walked from the lazy river to her next adventure at a snail's pace. Sensing something was wrong, I encouraged her to sit down and take a break. I offered her a cold drink, and she guzzled it. My husband and I took turns sitting with her for the next half hour. Seeing no progress was being made, we asked Jaycee if she wanted to go home. To which she responded with, "Yes!"
I wasn't ready to leave yet. We were only there for 1 1/2 hours, but 30 minutes of that was sitting with Jaycee in a chair.
As we left the water park, I was hit with a twinge of disappointment. I wish Jaycee didn't tire so easily. I wish the day could have been a little longer. I started to get worked up about the abrupt ending, and then I had to calm myself down. We did what we could. I had to be thankful that we had an hour of fun.
It got me thinking about how far we've come over the years. Jaycee has grown in her ability to handle different public situations. I have matured with my emotions and responses to my daughter. For that reason, I'm offering three keys to managing your child with special needs in public outings.
1. Lower your expectations.
Lowering your expectations may sound like you are preparing for only bad outcomes. That's not the case. If you have a glowing idea of what may happen when you take your child with special needs somewhere for the first time, you may be disappointed and miss some positives that occurred.
When Jaycee was 5 years old, we decided to take her to the movie theater to watch "Winnie the Pooh." She loved Pooh bear and movies in general, so I thought it would go well. I pictured her sitting in the seat and being elated when her lovable, yellow bear appeared on the big screen. When the lights went down, Jaycee got scared and dropped to the floor. She sat there for the duration of the hour long movie. She never saw any of it. My son, who was only 2 at the time, laughed and watched in delight.
On subsequent visits to the theater, my goal for Jaycee was to sit in the seat for any amount of time. We didn't see movies often, so it took her 4 years to watch a movie from beginning to end. "Cinderella" was the first movie she watched, but she spent the previews sitting on the floor. Now, Jaycee sits in her seat the entire time holding her popcorn and soda like a champ. It didn't happen overnight. I had to have patience and not take her reactions personally, since I was the one planning our outings.
2. Respect your child's limitations.
When deciding on what public outings to attend with your child, you always want to consider your child's limitations. There are some things that I know will be hard for Jaycee. Any outdoor activity with heat means Jaycee's endurance will be short even now at age 13. When she was younger, I had to learn what bothered her, which was frequently discovered through trial and error.
When Jaycee was 3 years old, I took her to a Wiggles concert. She loved the Wiggles, and I was looking forward to a fun outing with my little girl. I purchased seats in the back, because I was unsure of how she would react. I fully expected her to be happy. When the lights went dark, Jaycee started crying. It was unusual for her to cry, and I couldn't calm her down. I tried pointing out Wags the dog and Greg Wiggle to help her recognize what was happening. I eventually had to leave and walk the hall with her. When she calmed down, she immediately fell asleep. My mom and I sat through a Wiggles concert; Jaycee woke up for the final few minutes.
The concert didn't go as planned, and I didn't try to go to another one for a
long time. Dark, loud, and unfamiliar places confused Jaycee. For the most part, I tried to avoid these, because entertainment situations weren't that important. It wasn't worth her tears and confusion. She needed time to mature, and I respected her limitations.
Jaycee currently gets very stressed on days we have doctor's appointments. I know it's not a good idea to add anything fun before or after those appointments or she will understandably have behaviors. I respect those limits when possible.
Sometimes, you can't respect limitations because real life requires your child to cope. When Jaycee was growing up, I planned outings to restaurants and stores. Restaurants weren't too bad for Jaycee unless something inside was different, changing her routine. Stores were a real struggle. She wanted to run off and didn't understand dangers in parking lots. It took much mental effort for me to keep Jaycee safe. I couldn't avoid these situations because they were a regular part of life. While I understood that Jaycee struggled in these situations, I needed to push her to learn how to behave properly. On weekends when my husband was home, we intentionally went places to practice walking in a store, staying with a parent, and safely entering/exiting a vehicle. It took years (literally) of practice and patience for stores to be an enjoyable experience for both of us.
3. Celebrate the small victories.
In all of the unexpected difficulties with your child, it's important to recognize and celebrate any victories. Your victories will probably be small steps in the right direction instead of huge accomplishments. It's important to reflect on how far your child has come and maintain your patience for what is still ahead.
I hope these three keys will help you gain a healthy perspective when taking your child in public outings. As a parent, we can't control our child's responses to different environments and situations. We can only help them through it, teach them when appropriate, and respect what they can't do right now.
