Having a child with special and medical needs, I have endured situations that most people have not. My daughter has a list of diagnoses that have resulted in several surgeries and over thirty hospital admissions of varying lengths.
Today, I'll share three aspects of this crisis that I have been somewhat prepared for because of my life with my daughter.
1. Going Without Pay
Presently, my husband and I are both home and not working. (I'm working about 3 hours a week from home. Does that even count?) This is definitely an odd situation when neither of us have our regular income, but we've lived through other financial woes.
In the course of our 17 year marriage, we have had plenty of months when my husband was unemployed due to the nature of his job being seasonal. There have been a couple of times when I've went months without pay during a state budget crisis. We both have jobs in which there is no paid time off. That means every time one or both of us were in the hospital with my daughter over the years, income was not being earned. In 2013, we both spent an entire month at the hospital when she was fighting for her life. We both had no income for an entire month. These are just some of the examples that we have navigated together.
The rough financial times are trying. It's stressful to figure out how to pay the bills when the income isn't as much as usual. However, we have learned how to grocery shop on the cheaper side and make every dollar count. In addition, we know the importance of saving up in the better times for the shortages that happen during the harder times.
Don't get me wrong, we have had some struggles. I've went to the grocery store before with $30 trying to figure out what I could scrape together for meals. Sometimes, a lot of things hit at once (i.e. a car breaks down while you're unemployed and you receive an unexpected medical bill), and it can be simply overwhelming.
The main thing we have discovered in our times without our regular income is that somehow things always worked out for us. We give credit to God for helping us meet our needs. Did I mention prayer is a good thing to do? Going without our regular pay is never easy, but we've done it before. We can do it again during this COVID-19 crisis.
2. Plans that are Canceled
It is disappointing to cancel plans, especially when the decision is out of your hands. Due to my daughter's numerous illnesses, we have had to miss and cancel dozens and dozens of plans both big and small. Because of her health, we tend to hold our breath whenever we plan anything and hope we get to do it. It never gets easy. The disappointment is often met with tears and sadness.
In the past, we have canceled a family camping trip to Branson due to a hospital stay. I've missed school events for my son because my daughter's illness prevented me from attending. Our family has spent two Thanksgivings, a Father's Day, a birthday or two, and other minor holidays in the hospital. Those days looked nothing like we wanted, but the important thing was my daughter's recovery.
It stinks when your schedule has to be changed or plans seems up in the air. I know; I have been there multiple times. Still, I don't like it. Sometimes, I grieved over what we couldn't do, and that's okay. What I have figured out is that my perspective changes years later. The disappointment isn't as strong, and we have learned to make memories in the good times.
Today, I am reminding myself of these things as I am frustrated by the restrictions in life, my inability to plan, and my work changing. I try to tell myself that I won't always feel this way, and my family's safety is the most important thing.
3. Virus Anxiety
I have a healthy respect for viruses. I know what they can do to my child, and I know I need to avoid them if possible. Sometimes, my respect isn't healthy and I become very fearful. When your child has ended up on a ventilator from a common cold virus not once but twice, you end up being a bit fearful of germs. Germs are a real threat to my daughter's lungs.
That threat causes me to react differently when I know certain viruses are in our community. I find ways to avoid shaking hands with people at church. I don't take my daughter out to public places or grocery stores in an effort to decrease her risks. When we do go somewhere, we use hand sanitizer often. We may stay home for days or weeks, especially if my daughter is recovering from an illness. We adjust our lives to minimize the risks.
I'm really no more fearful of this virus than I am of any other virus. I understand the severity of this one, but all viruses are a threat to my daughter. However, I'm not use to hearing about a germ with such fear from the general population. I don't suppose most people have worried about a germ so much. Not me; this has been a normal part of my life for years. I have had to find balance though when trying live a life and minimizing our risks for my daughter. There does need to be balance, and decisions cannot be based upon fear. I've had years to sort this out!
Even though there are some aspects of this pandemic that are strangely familiar, there are plenty of things that are not. I won't pretend that I was prepared emotionally and mentally for this whole thing, because that wouldn't be true. I have struggled some days with my emotions and stress. It is reassuring to know that our family has ended up fine in any crisis we have lived through. That gives me hope for the future.
I pray this post gives you some sense of what families like mine go through multiple times a year. More importantly, when all this ends, I pray you'll remember people like us, understand our decisions, appreciate our struggles a little bit more, and reach out to offer help. Be safe!!
