Wednesday, October 2, 2013

My Life on DVD

On September 22, my daughter entered the ICU. She has been on a ventilator ever since.

If my life was a movie on DVD right now, the movie would have moments of sadness, suspense, and hope. There would be times when people would shake their heads and say "That could never happen." But it did because this story is true.

There are times I find myself in the hospital wishing I could hit fast forward. I want her off the ventilator so we can hug and kiss. I want to know what her life will be like in 1 week, 1 month, or 6 months from now. I want to fast forward through some of this heart ache and discouragement and get to the part where hopefully things are better. But I can't because this story is unfolding now.

There are times when I am laying awake at night with my life rewinding. I'm playing back awful scenes. Like, when the doctor told me she would need a breathing tube and when I watched the doctor bag her two times when her oxygen levels dropped. Or when the doctor told me on September 23rd early in the morning that she may not make it. I don't want to rewind to these events; they have the power to get me completely discouraged. I try to pause this thinking and press play-to live in the present.

Hour by hour, day by day, present thinking. Through tears, prayer, support, and the word of God, we will get through this. 

Psalm 118:17, Acts 17:25, Psalm 34:4,7

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