When things go wrong\I.c.u.

There are times when Jaycee is sick with a cold that causes me to be nervous. Nervous that she will get worse. Nervous that she will end up in the hospital again. I find myself pacing the floors, checking Jaycee with the monitor frequently, and just feeling more stressed. I worry she will get sick and things will go horribly wrong like they did last year. But, for 8 months Jaycee has stayed out of the hospital. She has been sick but I was able to treat her at home. It has been nice. Still, during times of illnesses my guard has never went down, with thoughts drifting back to last fall when Jaycee was on a ventilator for three weeks.

Sometimes no matter how much I try, things can go wrong quickly. There has been a perfect storm of bad things happening that ended with Jaycee back in the ICU currently. First, it started with a trip to the dentist to get 4 teeth pulled. That led to Jaycee drooling profusely and not being able to control her saliva. Her numbness also led to her severely biting her lip. Then, after we got home from the dentist. She was wheezing, which I assume is from the gas they gave her. The next day, she's still wheezing. By that night, a cold seems to be developing. The next morning, it is clear that something has settled into her chest. In less than 48 hours, Jaycee went from being happy and fine to being driven to the hospital by us. I didn't even have time to panic or pace the floors or wonder how this will all play out because it happened so fast.

I was happy when the ride was over and we were in the emergency room. My role as nurse was now going to be played by a real one who knows what they are doing. Hours pass in the emergency room and Jaycee only gets worse. She was sent to the intensive care unit and went on a bi-pap machine full time. Diagnosis: rhinovirus (3rd time positive for it in the hospital) and pneumonia (3rd time this year)

It is scary being in this place again that I have tried to forget about since her time here last year. If you find yourself here once you pray you are never here again. it is draining. I don't want my little girl to suffer and be this sick. And when she almost had to be intubated again a few days again I thought I was going to be physically sick. Fortunately it didn't get that bad.

So we sit in icu another day waiting for her body to heal and hoping that day comes quickly.