Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Faith, Fear, & the Future

In less than a month, the house we are in will belong to someone else. We will be busy decorating our new home and settling in to a new routine. The new owners will be busy making changes to our current house. More than likely, they will see my artwork on Jaycee's bedroom wall and paint over it.

As we are starting to pack up our belongings, this special wall is one thing that cannot go with us. I think back to almost 10 years ago as I traced Jaycee's hands and feet, cut out the pattern, drew the prints out on her bedroom wall, and then painted them.

These hand and foot prints have a special meaning for me. It's true that I traced these when Jaycee was a newborn to mark her time as a baby, but it went beyond that.

When this paint went on the wall, I was in an all out spiritual battle. I was caring for this sweet newborn girl as I adjusting to the news of her Down syndrome, AV canal heart defect, congestive heart failure, and pulmonary hypertension. Her future seemed so uncertain. I was worried about many, many things including if she was going to survive the next year.

When I decided to paint this, it made her nursery more personalized. But, the main reason I did this was to have a permanent marker in her room in case something happened to Jaycee before, during, or after her heart surgery. I was afraid she was going to die. Fear motivated it and a dozen other things I did in case the worst happened. While I had fear, I also had faith. I prayed for Jaycee to be fine and to live. I wanted her to be alright but I wasn't 100% sure she was going to be.

Years later, I now know that my worst fears didn't come true. Time gives us a perspective that we all wished we had sooner. The only way to get through those tough times is to live through them, which thankfully we all did.

In a few weeks, I'll have to say good-bye to the hand and foot prints on the wall as we head to our new house. I have something better than painted prints on a wall for our new house- I have Jaycee!

1 comment:

  1. We are in the process of getting ready to sell the house we've lived in for 31 years and raised 9 children in. It will be hard to leave it, but we can take our memories with us and like you our miracle baby who is now almost 18! We are moving to create a better future for her! I'm visiting from Love That Max!


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