Blessings and Adversities: Living Through Both with God

Have you ever read the book of Job in the Bible and just been puzzled? I mean usually the first chapter in Job just confuses me. In the past, I have been super focused on the fact that God is having a conversation with Satan that I couldn't see anything else in this scripture. Why would God allow Satan to talk with Him? And why would God "allow" Satan to torment Job?

I have always read those first few chapters that describe the beginning of Job's trial with such perplexion that I missed something important until recently.

If you aren't familiar with the story of Job, let's review it quickly. In Job 1 (NKJV), we find God being so impressed with Job that He brings him up to Satan as an example of someone who fears God. Then this happens:

⁹ So Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for nothing? ¹⁰ Have You not made a hedge around him, around his household, and around all that he has on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. ¹¹ But now, stretch out Your hand and touch all that he has, and he will surely curse You to Your face!”

Then Job's children were killed. He lost his donkey, sheep, camels, and servants. He lost most of what was near and dear to him that day. Yet, verse 22 tells us Job didn't sin or charge God with any wrong.

Then once again in Job 2, Satan is back again. God brags on Job's response (my interpretation) despite Satan's horrible attack on Job. Then this is said:

⁴ So Satan answered the Lord and said, “Skin for skin! Yes, all that a man has he will give for his life. ⁵ But stretch out Your hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will surely curse You to Your face!”

Job then suffered painful boils all over his body.  

These two chapters have always baffled me. Really, I still don't have good answers for some of my questions, but I have realized something new. These chapters show how and why Satan attacks.

Satan wants to draw people away from God. Specifically, he wants them to curse God. Job's wife took the bait because she encouraged Job to curse God and die (Job 2:9). Apparently, she had all she could take and thought Job should give up completely. She had lost her children, wealth, and watched her husband endure pain. Job's wife wondered where God was in all this suffering and time of need. She fell for Satan's tricks because she had lost sight of the bigger picture. Her husband did not, however. Job replied in Job 2:10: 

Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity? 

Let's go back to Satan's strategy, which was to get Job to curse God by first taking away everything he had. Satan told God that Job had lived with so much protection and blessing that he would curse God if it were stripped away. It's a trick that works on so many people but not Job. 

How many people in life do you know that have given up on God because of a tragedy in their life? A loved one unexpectantly dies, a natural disaster destroys property, one's child is diagnosed with cancer, a couple has infertility issues, or financial difficulties become the reason why people question God. It's easy to serve God when things are going well. The harder time to push through is when things don't make sense, life doesn't seem fair, and our heart hurts. Satan knows this too well, and he uses the bad stuff in our lives to trip us up and make us believe God doesn't care, God isn't near, and a loving God would never allow such evil to happen in our lives. 

But Job was not rocked by the first attack. So, Satan came at him again attacking his own health- making his life miserable and painful. Satan knew that Job would be pushed to a new level if his own life and health were in jeopardy. The rest of Job does go on to explain how he feels, reacts, and copes with all his loses, but Job knew the secret to worshiping God- do it in good times and in bad. 

Here again, we see the second attack and can think of people we know who have struggled with it. How many men and women have lost their faith because of a personal health crisis, chronic pain, or life threatening diagnosis? Satan knows that these are the moments when you will have doubts, fears, and questions about God. He is banking on you to curse God and give up.

(By the way, don't read into what I am not saying. This post today is not describing why bad things happen. That's another topic all together. Most people want to know: Is it God, the Devil, or something else? This post is about our reactions to situations that aren't pleasant. To read more about figuring out the "why" behind events in our lives, please read my post: Does God Make Down syndrome?)

I have to say I have fallen for one of these strategies. When my daughter was born with Down syndrome, a heart defect, and in congestive heart failure, I was so confused and crushed that my innocent child would be born with life-long and life-threatening conditions. I let the questions and doubts infiltrate my mind and thinking until I was in such a confused state about my faith. I wondered where God was when my child was suffering through open heart surgeries. I have never cursed God and given up, but my faith in God couldn't grow because I was too focused on my own pain and situation to simply believe.

Time and time again, I have had many doubts in health crises with Jaycee. Illnesses that required time in the ICU have been emotionally and physically draining, and it is easy to question the goodness of God when a loved one is suffering in the hospital. I think the normal response to bad events in our lives is to lose hope, drown in fear, and reflect on unanswerable questions. But God calls us to something else. We are after all suppose to live in the world but not of it.

We have to know that the foundation of our faith is abiding in Him no matter what happens in life. God is the answer period. He is not the person to get frustrated with when things aren't going right. He is the person to lean into when things don't make sense.

If we only believe the gospel is here to help us or prevent tragedies in our life, then what do we believe anyway? If we are only with God when He is "blessing" us, then what does that say? If we are with God to only receive His blessings and protection, then we aren't loving God with the right motive.

The feelings we have in challenging situations should not dictate our relationship with God. If challenges take us away from God, then the true intentions of our heart are revealed and our spiritual roots are not deep. We must endure with God through the good and the adversity. If we give into the doubts and all the other tricks of Satan, then we are falling straight where he wants us to be. He wants our relationship with God to be destroyed. Don't let him do that! When you feel frustrated, continue to pray. When you are confused, keep going. It's too important to stop growing in God.

Job ended up with more possessions and wealth at the end of the story than at the beginning. He had to endure much pain and time to get to that point where what he had was restored, but he made it to the end. He didn't give up when it looked like there was no hope.

Believe in God. No matter what happens. Don't fall for some of the oldest tricks in the book. 

When People Say My Daughter's Down Syndrome Needs Healed

A small replication error causing three copies of chromosome 21 is the definition of Down syndrome in it's simplest form. The fact that this happened to my daughter Jaycee was completely random. It was no one's fault.

But, Down syndrome and it's medical definition is not a good enough explanation for many people. Over the years, many well meaning people have offered me the deeper reason why my child has Down syndrome. Some of these include:

-God gives children with special needs to special people.

-God blesses people with children with special needs who can handle it.

-God makes so many people with Down syndrome, and He choose you to receive one.

-God does not want anyone to struggle therefore, she needs prayer for healing.

-A demon, sin, or generational curse brought this upon your child, so you need to repent/pray.

I understand why people have offered me this information over the years. I too have looked for deeper meanings in the big and small things that have happened in my life. I even searched for the deeper meaning when Jaycee was born.

I struggled with how to pray for Jaycee initially as I tried to understand why my daughter was born with a disability.

At first, I felt it was my duty to pray for her to be healed completely or at the very least have Down syndrome with minimal effects. But, I started to not like those prayers. I felt that those prayers were selling my daughter short. I felt my prayers were only focusing on what was wrong with her and how she needed to be "more like everyone else." Did God view her as imperfect as my prayers seemed to suggest?

Here were some questions I had as I muddled through the subject of disability, God, and Christianity:
-Is the presence of disability the absence of God or is it something else?
-Can a person with a disability serve and love God?
-Can God accept a person with a disability? 
-If everyone should be healed, why didn't God heal Moses of his speech impediment instead of appointing Aaron to be his "mouth?" (Genesis 4)  Could I be Jaycee's Aaron?

I want to make it clear that I believe in healing, prayer, and miracles. I believe all people with big and small ailments need prayer and benefit from prayer. However, I do believe people in the church can show a lack of acceptance of those with disabilities when they only interact with people with disabilities to pray for healing. This post isn't necessarily about the topic of healing but how to approach those with disabilities in the church.

Let me tell you a personal story.

Some time back, I decided I was going to start and host a small group in our church. My group was going to be for parents of children with a diagnosis. I wasn't sure if there were even any other families in my church that were like mine besides the one family I was already acquainted with.

One Sunday was declared the small group sign up day. I stood by a table near my sign up sheet hoping and waiting for other parents to come and sign up. After a few minutes, someone approached me that I was only slightly familiar with at church. The person asked me how my daughter was doing. After my response, she went on to say she is still praying and believing for my daughter to be healed of her Down syndrome and encouraged me to keep believing for that too.

I was taken aback. I smiled and probably told her thanks, but inside I was screaming. There I was hoping to meet and support other parents in a similar journey. Instead, I was reminded just how some Christians view my child, as someone who is incomplete without healing.

I stood there another minute or two and then joined my husband who was waiting for me in the van with the children. He was surprised to see me so soon, since I told him I would be at my table for awhile. I had to get out of there. I started crying as I recounted the story to him.

It may not seem like a big deal to you. Perhaps, you think that person did nothing wrong. They didn't really. But their approach was what upset me. The only topic of Jaycee was her Down syndrome and her need of healing. Period. Jaycee is more than her diagnosis. I have to battle this is the real world all the time, and I don't want to have this battle at church too.

The miracle of 2013

After that experience, I prayed about what happened. I asked God how I could respond to people who only want to talk about Jaycee in terms of needing healing.

You see, I don't feel like God sees Jaycee's Down syndrome as such a huge problem that we do. Jaycee has not been healed of Down syndrome, but she has received healing and grace in her life during her many illnesses and hospital admissions. She was literally on the brink of death once in 2013 when she was maxed out on support on the ventilator. I truly believe that God heard our many prayers for Jaycee during that time and is the reason she is still here.

I know that God works through her even if His healing power isn't manifesting the way everyone would expect it.

Because of all of this, I decided that future people who want to pray Jaycee's Down syndrome away will be reminded of this one thing from me:

Jaycee's body isn't perfect, but her spirit is.

I believe Jaycee's spirit is God's main concern since that is what will join Him in heaven. In that regard, she is way ahead of us in living a life that is Godly. I am not opposed to people praying for Jaycee. But, I do hope they want to get to know her, appreciate her for where she's at, and acknowledge the ways God has worked in her life.

Related Post: Does God Make Down syndrome? 

When my 6 year old asked, "Why does God make sickness?"

It was an ordinary trip home from school with my two kids in the back seat of my very stylish van. I mentioned to Elijah that in two weeks he will have to spend the night at someone's house while I take Jaycee to what we call "the far away hospital" for appointments.

This brought on our normal conversation about hospital appointments.

Elijah asks, "Is it just one night?"

"Yes," I tell him.

"Because sometimes I stay at grandma's for several days when Jaycee's at the Children's hospital," Elijah says and continues to reminisce about previous stays with grandma.

Then out of the blue our familiar conversation took an abrupt turn when he asked, "Why does God make sickness anyway?"

Wow!

I was caught off guard by my 6 year old already pondering one of life's great mysteries. I don't believe I thought about anything that deep until I was in high school but sickness never impacted my family like Elijah. My biggest question as a 6 year old probably centered on how I could convince my mom to let my Barbie dolls have a pool party in the bathtub.

Here I was at the end of long day with a question hanging in the air. I answered Elijah's question like this:
Well, I don't really think God makes sickness. God's plan is always good health for us and bodies that work right. This is what Heaven is-a place where everything is perfect. The Earth is not Heaven. The Earth has a lot of stuff in it that God neither wanted to happen to people or intended for people. But, there's sin and other things in the world that all lead to things going wrong like sickness. I don't think God wants your sister to be sick and take medicine. But, she was born into that body on Earth and it's what we are dealing with.

The answer satisfied him and the topic was then changed to some mundane topic of who has better food at their house -Aunt Steph or Grandma- and where he should stay while I am away for that one night.

Since that question was asked by my son, I have been asking myself a question, "Where did I go wrong?"

How did my son come to the conclusion that God makes sickness? This is something I never wanted Elijah to think about God. People often struggle with this type of question when they are faced in some sort of crisis of belief. I myself struggled with this idea of sickness and bad things happening to people of faith. I fought my way through difficult thoughts and doubt that nearly crippled me. I didn't want that struggle for Elijah, especially when he's 6 years old.

I have never said the clichés to him about if it's God will, Jaycee will get better. To me, these clichés can cause doubt. So if I have never talked about assigning Jaycee's medical issues to God, how did he come to that conclusion?

After some thought and prayer, I have decided I have made two errors. First, I have told Elijah that God makes everything. Maybe, I wasn't specific enough. I don't think God makes terminal illnesses or sickness in an effort to teach us something. Yet, I commonly tell Elijah that God makes Everything.

Secondly, I have spent very little time talking about our enemy as described in John 10:10 (The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.) I rarely talk about Satan and his plans to try to destroy relationships with God and to steal, kill, and destroy in general. I don't want to scare him, and I don't want to confuse him. Yet, my avoiding this topic has only told one side of the spiritual story that impacts all our lives. If Satan's agenda isn't discussed, then God can gets credit for every bad and good thing in life.

I hate that my son has confusing thoughts about our faith this young. But, I'm glad he is able to voice them to me, so we can reflect on them together. I'm thankful too that God is teaching me better ways to help him understand.


For more on my thoughts on a similar question with more scripture references, please read Does God make Down syndrome?

Elijah hanging out with his sister during a hospital admission

Does God know what I can handle?

If you are a Christian going through a trial, I would almost guarantee that you have heard a common saying in the church world:

God will never give you more than you can handle.

This exact phrase is not found in the Bible. Most people refer to 1 Corinthians 10:13 where Paul writes: No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

(I know some of you are scratching your head because you are sure that quote about God never giving us more than what we can handle came directly from the Bible. Look for yourself.)

This is a common saying that people use in an attempt to make us feel better. For me, it does the exact opposite.

Whenever someone gave me a sympathetic look and told me God would never give me more than I could handle, it made me shut down. It did not make me feel better.

In situation after situation, I heard this phrase. When Jaycee was having a second heart surgery or a second heart ablation, I was supposed to find comfort in knowing that God knew we could all handle this. Seeing Jaycee on a ventilator for three weeks I imagine was also something God thought I could handle too. No matter what the bad circumstances, these were often the words that people chose to say to comfort me.

I grew to hate these words. I got angry at the people who said them to me. It was as if I was experiencing something painful because I was strong enough to endure it. Huh? Other times, I took this phrase to mean that my trial wasn't anything to sit around and be upset about because God knew I could handle it. Still other times, I felt this phrase was saying God allowed bad things to happen to my life because I could endure it. That's a real motivation to stop praying!

One day, I was surrounded by a few people who were ministering to me. You see watching your child have surgeries, be in respiratory distress, and have numerous tests done some of which you help hold her down for is very mentally draining. I couldn't handle it. In fact, the panic, worry, stress, and fear had such a grip on me that I was not functioning well mentally. Obviously, I couldn't handle all of these trials with my daughter's health. I needed help to get over these things I witnessed, so I set aside time for prayer with some people I trusted. Through the ministering, this phrase came up about God not giving me more than I could handle.

For the first time, I spoke up and said, "I hate when people tell me that!"

My father, who was one of the people praying for me, gave me a different perspective on this quote. He said, "If you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and in a situation you can't handle, then it is not God giving it to you."

It was then that this popular quote from Christians became something I could agree with. When I'm feeling stressed about Jaycee's health, I know that God will be there to help me through my battles. He isn't the cause of the trial. He is the answer while I am walking through the trial.

So does God know what I can handle? Yes, but that doesn't mean he is the source of all the ugliness in life.

Will God give me the hope and peace to get me through the times that are difficult? Absolutely!

Where is God when...

Where is God when Jaycee is turning blue from respiratory distress?
Where is God when Jaycee had heart surgeries?
Where is God when my little girl is in pain?
Where is God when we are rushing to the emergency room?


These types of questions have popped in my mind often since having Jaycee. Sometimes, the question was a whisper. It was something I could ignore or easily refute. I knew God was with me.

Other times, the question was screaming in my head making me doubt everything I believed and understood about my Christianity. The question tainted how I saw the world. It made me see nothing good in my life because the problems were so huge. I stumbled around day to day going to church, reading my Bible, and asking for wisdom during trials with Jaycee with lots of doubt hanging over me.

Here's the one thing I have discovered.  When I doubt God's place in my life, I become completely hopeless....about everything.

And that's not a good spot to be in.

Be strong and let your heart take courage, All you who hope in the Lord. Psalms 31:24

I've blogged previously abut how I don't blame God for medical issues that happen in Jaycee's life. I think some things just happen,. While I don't play the blame game anymore, there are moments when I look around and try to find God during a crisis.

So, as I reflect back on Jaycee's 2 weeks and 5 days in the hospital, I will answer the questions:
 Where was God when all that craziness was happening? Where was God when Jaycee was in respiratory failure and on a ventilator? Where was God when her blood pressure was going too low? Where was God when Jaycee was crying in sadness in ICU? Where was God when I was feeling all alone and scared?

• When Jaycee's breathing was going downhill at 3 in the morning, I was alone in Jaycee's room praying. I felt alone in my stress and worry as I prayed that the ventilator they were threatening would not happen. I thought about calling my sick husband, who was a few blocks away in a hotel, but I didn't want to wake him up. I didn't want to wake anyone up with this news but I needed someone to talk to me. Then at 4:52 am, my phone vibrated. My friend from church, Amanda, sent me a scripture through a text message. I don't know if that's a normal time for her to send a message, but I'm assuming not. I was so happy to have someone awake I could reach out to about this situation, since at that point I was the only one aware of it! I needed that text at that hour. That was a moment from God.
• During my two hours of praying against the ventilator and reading scriptures, I pleaded with God that Jaycee would not need the ventilator. Then finally, a thought came, "What if the ventilator is what she needs? She might need it to get better." It wasn't the answer I was looking for but the thought was from God. It was preparation. She would be fine even if medically she went down a road I didn't want her to go down.
• A short time later, a text message from Amanda again that encouraged me to listen to God. "It's ok if He says yes" that she needs the ventilator. Confirmation of a thought that came to me earlier! And a God moment.
• When my husband and I were sitting in the parent lounge while the doctors were sedating Jaycee, putting in her feeding tube, and intubating her, I was nervous but calm. Then the doctor came out to tell us Jaycee's blood pressure was dropping and wanted permission to put in an arterial line. That was my breaking point. I cried. I let it all out and the words, "I can't do this again," came out of my mouth. I wanted to give up because I knew the days ahead would be really hard. My husband encouraged me. Then the Unspoken song "Good Fight" came to mind. The song stayed with me for days; it was God in the song. Here's some of the lyrics.

"Good Fight"

Until you stop breathing
Until you stop bleeding
Until your heart stops kick-drum beating
When it's hard times
When it's long days
And the enemy is right up in your face
When your back's against the ropes and you're feeling all alone

Keep fighting the good fight (Never give up, never give up)
Keep letting your light shine (Holding it high as long as you live)
'Cause I'm never gonna leave you
Always gonna see you through to the other side
Keep fighting the good fight, fighting the good, fighting the good fight, good fight

Even in the road blocks (yeah)
Even through the rough spots
When you're feeling you've given all that you've got
I'm with you in the next step
Giving you in the next breath
I'll be the voice saying "You're gonna make it"
When you're out there on your own
You are never alone

• Then a few days later, I was listening to the JOY FM Christian radio station on my short 8 mile drive to the hospital from our campsite. And what song should come on the radio? Yep, "Good Fight" came on. God was with me on that drive. It was a powerful moment that brought tears to my eyes.
• God was there when people messaged me prayers and scriptures at all hours of the day.
• When I got the phrase "God's got this" messaged to me from 3 different people, I knew it was a God thing after the second one. It's not a common phrase people message me. Amazing!
• When people reported to me they were awakened in the middle of the night to pray for Jaycee, it was proof God was in our situation.
• And of course, Jaycee getting better and getting discharged from the hospital was a God moment.

So there was God in our hospital admission.

He did not show up in a miraculous move healing Jaycee on the spot and saving us from all those heartaches and tears. That seems to be the thing people look for during a medical crisis: a huge, major victory.

If that is the only version of God you allow yourself to have, you will miss all the little, powerful, and meaningful God moments.

So, I know where God was in our situation. I have no doubt He was there.

Will you be willing to look for Him in your situation?

Jaycee getting therapy post ventilator while she was in the hospital

The Why Game

Often between ages 2-4, children will start to question "why."

I remember conversations with Elijah going like this.

"Let's get ready for bed, Elijah."
He asked, "Why?"
"Because we have to get up early in the morning," I said.
"Why?" he continued.

At times, the why question kept going on and on until I didn't even have a good response for him. Yet, the questions kept coming and coming and seemed meaningless. He just needed to listen to me and move on.

I've been thinking lately about how many times I have gotten stuck in the 'why' mode and couldn't move on. When something went wrong with Jaycee's health, I would often ask God why. Sometimes, I would ask doctors why Jaycee was so sick often. When they didn't have a good answer, I would go to google and search for one. Other times, I would analyze everything I had done prior to a big respiratory distress looking for a reason as to why it happened. This often resulted in me cleaning neurotically to get rid of any allergens.

For me, I think that I often want to know why something occurred because I don't want it to happen again. If Jaycee gets really sick, I want to know if there's something I can do or medicine can do to prevent it from happening again. Most of my why questions are really motivated by fear.

Why is such a small word yet has the power to keep us in a spot where we don't need to stay. Sometimes, there are no good answers. Just hunches or guesses from our human understanding. I am convinced that most of the time whatever reason we come up with to satisfy our need to understand is probably all wrong.

Take this passage:

Acts 28: 3-6
But when Paul had gathered a bundle of sticks and laid them on the fire, a viper came out because of the heat and fastened itself on his hand. When the natives saw the creature hanging from his hand, they began saying to one another, "Undoubtedly this man is a murderer, and though he has been saved from the sea, justice has not allowed him to live." However he shook the creature off into the fire and suffered no harm. But they were expecting that he was about to swell up or suddenly fall down dead. But after they had waited a long time and had seen nothing unusual happen to him, they changed their minds and began to say that he was a god.

The natives knew there must be a deeper reason why Paul was bitten by a viper. Obviously, he had deserved whatever he got was their first thought. When he didn't die from the bite, then they did a 180 and decided he was a god. They were playing the why game too.

Asking why isn't a bad thing, but it is if it keeps you in a mind set that doesn't allow you to move on. Not everything can be explained. Not everything has a good and justifiable reason to it.

Here's where faith comes in. When you have questions, when you don't understand, when you have doubts, you must pray and give it to God. Faith is moving forward with your life even when you don't understand. God is still there whether you have answers or not.

Whether Jaycee is healthy or sick, she is still loved by God. He is there. Whether or not I understand everything that happens in my family, God is still God. He is there. He cares. Staying faithful in times of not understanding is really the true test of our faith.