Monday, March 9, 2020

Things I Don't Know about my Daughter

I recently returned home from a lovely 10-day vacation with my family and parents. We had a wonderful time in Florida and enjoyed spending time together.

During one of our meals at a restaurant, there was a heated discussion about bacon. Bacon is pretty important, especially if you are doing the Keto diet.

I like my bacon thoroughly cooked. My husband says I eat it burnt, but I disagree. I don't like it blackened, but I do like it hard and crunchy. On the other hand, my husband eats it chewy and soft. I  struggle to cook bacon for him as I feel I am serving it to him partially raw. He hates "overcooking" the bacon for me. This is one of the many trials of our marriage.

During our discussion on the proper way to eat and cook bacon, my son chimed in regarding his preference. It appears he likes bacon cooked somewhere between my husband and I's crispness.

Then it hit me. I have no idea how Jaycee, my 14 year with Down syndrome and language delays, likes her bacon. Jaycee is a great eater, so she will eat bacon nearly any way it is presented. Yet, I wonder what her preference is. I cook her bacon the way I like it, but maybe she hates it that way. It's hard to know exactly her thoughts on this important subject.

On the last night of our vacation, there was another conversation where Jaycee's contribution was missing. We reflected on all of highs of our trip and debated about which Disney park provided the most enjoyment. We talked about the different rides that were our favorites. Jaycee, with her limited speech, listened to us and smiled.

I asked Jaycee what her favorite part of the vacation was. Her response was, "Gabby."

Her answer didn't make sense because Gabby is her cousin who wasn't even on our trip. Questions are generally hard for Jaycee to comprehend and answer. She does better with questions that require a yes/no response or questions that contain specific choices. I tried that tactic with her but still got no good answer.

I don't know what her favorite part of the vacation was. Who knows if it was meeting the princesses, walking on the beach, or riding coasters? She seemed pretty excited to meet Gaston and has watched the video of their meeting a few times. Was that her favorite part?


Despite these unknowns, there are plenty of things I do know about Jaycee. She shows me her preferences by her actions, behaviors, and words/signs. She asks to call her cousin Gabby like any other teenager. When I gave her some options for her birthday lunch, she answered "spaghetti" consistently. She tells me if she wants to go home or if she doesn't want to go to school. We can talk to each other about many subjects.

I'm thankful for the things she can communicate. I appreciate what we do have in this life. Sometimes, I do wish there was more. There are things missing from our conversations, and certain times (like vacations) remind me of the gaps. Perhaps one day, the gaps will be fewer and fewer.

Maybe in the future Jaycee will pick up her perfectly cooked, nearly burnt bacon and tell me it's horrible. That would be a really amazing day!

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