Thursday, August 22, 2013

A 4 Year Old Miracle

Last week, my "baby" celebrated his 4th birthday. During our nightly prayer time, I often tell him that he was an answer to mommy & daddy's prayers.

Let's go back 5 years ago.....
Jaycee is a toddler and we're ready to have another child. I prayed and prayed to have the strength to get pregnant again. Medically, I had no reason to be scared. There was only a 1% chance of Down syndrome occurring again. I wasn't worried about having another child with Down syndrome. I was worried about other things. Sometimes it was a baby with a cleft palate. Sometimes I was convinced I would have conjoined twins.  I'm laughing as I type this. My thoughts weren't rationale. Fear had rooted itself in my soul and was trying to steal my peace and joy. Statistically, I knew things were in my favor.  But statistics don't mean much when you have a child who has defied a few statistics already.

I prayed for a healthy pregnancy. I had other people at different churches pray for me. This was even before I was pregnant.  Months went by and finally I had a positive pregnancy test. Around 7 weeks, we saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound. It was real. We were on this journey again. Then I started spotting. I did this with Jaycee so I was nervous but optimistic. At 11 weeks, the cramping and bleeding were obvious signs that this baby, whose heart was beating a few weeks ago, was gone.

I was sad, upset, felt ripped off, and discouraged. The first time I saw Jaycee after the hospital, she was holding a baby doll and I wanted to have a complete breakdown.

More statistics were given. This is a fluke, said the doctors. Many woman have them. You are fine to try again in a couple of months. My brain was telling me that 2/2 of my own pregnancies did not turn out the way I expected them. I prayed and cried and sought God. I tried to fight fear off that was telling me to never try again. 

When the time to try came, I told my husband that we just have to start trying before I chicken out. This time, we were pregnant again right away. I tried not to get to excited about it until after the first trimester. I was relieved a little after the ultrasound showed only 1 baby. No chance of conjoined twins! I held my breath the rest of pregnancy. I was happy and tried to think positive but there was still a small part that wouldn't be relieved until he was in my arms.

That moment came. He was fine. I was thankful. I beat my own statistics.

I write this to encourage you.... Don't give up on your dreams. Don't allow fear to keep you from receiving a blessing. Don't give up on God. So thankful for 4 years with my miracle.

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