October 15- A Day to Remember

Today, I'm pausing from my Down syndrome awareness month writing for another special date.

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day. It is the day for parents to come together, grieve over their baby, and to recognize their loss.

Between the births of my two children, I experienced such a loss. There is barely any evidence that the tiny life inside of me ever existed. I have a couple of early ultrasound pictures tucked away in a box, but that is all the "proof" of what should have been my second child.

At 11 weeks into my pregnancy the baby was suddenly and abruptly no more.
I didn't know the baby's gender.
I didn't have a name for the baby.

It was extremely hard during and after the miscarriage both physically and mentally. I knew it was early in my pregnancy and something could happen, but I was hoping it wouldn't happen to me. I, like many other woman, tried not to be excited about the pregnancy so new, but the excitement came naturally after the positive pregnancy test.

But then, that life was no more.

Afterwards, there were people who tried to help me but did emotional damage instead. They said things like:
You're young! You can try again.
There was probably something wrong with the baby, so you're probably better off. (Really? My first baby was born with Down syndrome. Why would someone say that to me?)
It was still early. This happens to lots of people.

These comforting words didn't comfort me at all, because they didn't recognize the life that could have been. They didn't feel the excitement of the positive pregnancy test, and they didn't hear the baby's heartbeat in the doctor's office. Sure I needed to move on, but I also needed to grieve. Grieving is something that is seldom allowed in a miscarriage situation.

There were some wonderful women who whispered in my ear, "I had a miscarriage too. It's hard, but you'll get through it."

They were right. It was hard. And after some time, I did get through it. Having my son about a year later helped me tremendously. It was a baby that I wanted after all, and a baby in my arms eased my pain. I felt for the other moms out there that experienced multiples losses or miscarriages without ever receiving a baby of their own to hold.

So today, I stop and think of that baby who would be 9 years old right now. I wonder what may have been for that child and I.

Today, I also think of other mothers out there like me. I hope you were allowed to grieve and reflect after your loss occurred. But just in case no one ever told you, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry for all the pain and heartache you went through. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you like they do for so many other women. I hope you are healing and have found a healthy way to cope. I hope today you'll join me in remembering our sweet angels that were born into Heaven.